See lives through death

Just recently my neighbour committed suicide. In my life, I have witnessed those falling victims in conflict affected areas. I have seen children who were badly injured by some heartless bombers. I have looked into the eyes of a blind landmine survivor, and yet saw no eyes. I have come across tough lives of displaced kids along Thai-Burmese border. But never once in my life had I experienced someone killing himself.

I didn’t know him. Not even recognised his face. People said he was a happy-go-lucky young man, with Asian blood, perhaps a Singaporean. I had not heard anything about him until that evening. I heard his neighbor crying, his brother weeping, the sound of body being moved, cops investigating someone upstairs. I sunk deep in my thinking. It is just sad to see a seemingly delightful person decided to leave this world. More sadly, no one knew, not even his family members, why he made this decision. I was told he overdosed. It could be true because I studied from home on that paricular day and didn’t hear anything, until that burst of weeping for this departure.

I live in Melbourne, Australia. A developed city, people believe. But as are people in many big cities, ‘Melbourners’ are deep down lonely. Lives can be so hard and yet, no one to turn to. There are those under economic stress, those who are desperate to find lovers, those who can’t find lovers so they divert their love to their pets instead, and yes, those who go out every Friday and Saturday, spending shallow lives in pubs and bars. If you watch Australian TV, there will be daily complaints of how terrible their lives are. I do agree, but not because to the degree that their lives are materially bad. They are just spiritually lost.

This is my second time in Australia. Before this, I spent almost two in Brisbane (the third biggest city, which someone claimed that Perth is rated the same. This mean Sydney and Melbourne is the first and second biggest city. The rest is average. However, the smallest, the most boring and lifeless can’t be other cities, but Canberra). As much as I like Australia and fair-go aussies, I have always had a feeling there is something missing in this country. One day I found. It is the sense of spirituality. Not in the sense of religiousness, though. But it is something beyond human knowledge to hold on to, such as people in Thailand believe in horoscope, black magic, and sacred trees, you name it.

Don’t take me wrong. I’m not a BIG fan of ‘superstition’. But in the age of extreme rationality of modernity, humans tend to be overly confident in their own capacities. Nothing can’t be explained by science. Australia is in many ways like that. Because it is a relatively new country (after having wiped out indigenous people who are one of the most ancient humankind), only science and the sense of modernism take roots. People’s sufferings are contemplated in the language of causality. Nonetheless, it is far from Buddhist causality, but rather some sort of scientific cause, believing that everything can be under control. I'll give you an example.

I once had an aussie 'guest' in Bangkok. I took him to Isan for a trip. After having seen so many temples in contrast to the apparent poverty, he then inquired;
'People are poor here, but why do they still build these temples? why don't they just spend money on other 'necessary' things to improve their livelihood?"

Although fairly irritated by his ignorance, I came to an understanding. Temples, for him, constitute no material meaning, but just 'temples' which don't really alleviate hunger or the lack of school education. However, for these 'poor' people, temples fill in their spiritual meanings. They are not just temples, but the place for people's mind and spirit. These are places where lives are made meaningful. They are made related to something unknown, powerful, and yet respectful. If things go wrong, just blame your bad karma, the misfortunes caused by the supernatural, but never much of yourself. There are unknown sources of suffering out there. At the end of the day, your being is partially controllable. More importantly, you don't encounter the difficulties alone. Afterall someone/something out there is looking after you, regardless of whether or not you are taken care by human felllows. In this way, life is bearable. It is more or less meaningful. Unfortunately, modern women and men in the wealthy cities and countries are blind to this fact...

Now you see why I am so sad when my neighbour committed suicide?